Strongest Soldier

"God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers..."
     A friend of mine posted that phrase today and when I read it I thought, "Really?  Strongest huh?"  There are some days I believe that to be true and then there are other days I believe I'm paying a debt for the sins of my past.  Why?  Because I've been on the battle front for too long now.  In my mind I hear, "Retreat, retreat, retreat!" 
     I'm tired of fighting.  I want peace, tranquility and serenity.  I need to raise the white flag and nurse my wounds.  I'm sure I'll have scars.  The scars won't be visible to the human eye.  The scars from this battle will be like all the others, seen and felt only by me.  
     Mother Teresa is quoted as saying,“I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.”  I suppose I should feel honored to be in God's army.  I should be grateful to be doing His work and letting others see His light through me.  But seriously, like most soldiers who face the horrors of battle, I believe I'm suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Just typing that makes me laugh...it shouldn't because it is a serious issue, but it does.  Why? Well, I'm a college graduate, suburban mom, and elementary school teacher.  What do I know about combat?  
     A little word of advice...Don't ever ask if I'm okay.  It's like playing Russian Roulette.  You never know when you'll get a bullet to your brain.  

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