Recognize Yourself

I don't know where I heard this, but it was something I was watching or listening to last week and it caused me to pause and write those two words down.  I scribbled it on a sticky note and stared at it, then gently placed it on the computer where I would see it, daily.  Why did this resonate with me?  Why was it sitting deep inside, where all of my stormy thoughts go? Then it hit me.

I saw myself the other day, but it wasn't me, it was someone in my not so immediate circle, but someone I consider dear, someone I haven't let in because I must have subconsciously known I had to distance myself.  You see, what I saw in this person was the me I used to be.  The girl in a bad relationship, the girl who drank to numb the pain, the girl who over extended herself so no one would see the dysfunction she was in.  I saw the delusion, the sadness, the fog that surrounded her.  I recognized myself and all I could do was confide in a good friend, someone who might be able to help because at that moment, I was feeling like a couldn't.  It was too painful to see.  The one thing I could offer was a testimonial.  I could share that life gets better, but you have to recognize yourself.  Find that girl you once were, or the one you want to be and help her write her story and make sure she is the hero and not the victim.

But if I know anything about the universe, it's that you are presented with challenges in areas where you need growth.  Later that day, I asked myself, like I always do when I'm struggling with something, "What am I supposed to learn from this?"

So here is what I think is part of my take away:  I needed a reminder of the person I am and this amazing journey that is my life.  I am not in a bad relationship.  I don't drink to numb the pain because that is all behind me now.  I have come out on the other side with a few battle scars, but I survived.  I left the abusive, toxic marriage, I said a tearful goodbye to my nephew as I held his cold, stiff hands, knowing I would never hear his laughter or see the mischief in his eyes, I packed up and moved halfway across the country, with my children, leaving my entire family behind, hoping that my happy place would be a good place to reboot our lives.  I earned that next degree and I continue to manage my life, on my own.  I have not been rescued.  I have provided for myself and for my children, just like I always have.  I no longer over extend myself for anyone (well, maybe for these darn kids) because I know my worth and I do not owe anyone anything.  What you get from me is what you earn.  I recognize myself.