Lake Girl

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Paths to Recovery-Step One

Well it's finally here...the time has come to Let Go and Let God.  For those of you who know me, letting go has not always been what comes naturally.  It requires loosening the reins on my life and for decades that has been an impossible task.  It means giving up control and damn if I don't like to be in control.  Control has meant having the upper hand, being in charge, winning the game, making all the moves but ultimately it has kept people out, pushed people away and in my own delusional thoughts, kept me from getting hurt.  Yet time and time again I have felt the pang of disappointment, hurt and of love lost.   I have decided to work the 12 Steps of Al-Anon publicly in order to hold myself accountable.  You see my life has been significantly affected by alcohol.  No, I'm not an alcoholic. (No, really, I'm not.) Al-Anon is for anyone whose life has been affected by an alcoholic.  I am by no means being hypocritical.  I, like To...
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A Letter to My Mom

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Mama, I started this letter in January 2021, when it started to sink in that this battle was bigger than all of us.  I remained hopeful but there was a deep sense of dread in my soul.  I needed to prepare myself for life without you.   In early October 2020, you shared news with me that I processed immediately as bad news.  I stayed calm and asked what you would like me to do next.  You said, "wait until I get the biopsy." We ended the call.  I fell apart.  I guess I knew then, or at least my mind did what it always does, prepare for the worst. It's not good that my brain is conditioned to do that but I would rather be prepared than blindsided.   In late November, the kids and I went for a visit.  We cleaned, we laughed, we rushed around frantically at your requests and we carried on with business as usual.  You were still you; funny, witty, fiery, but you tired easily.  You weren't running circles around me, and again, I ...
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#CaliReady

So it's no surprise to anyone who knows me that I love, love, love California.  The weather, the beaches, the mountains, the sailors, oops I mean the sunsets, are just a few of the attractions that bring me back every summer and sometimes spring, and well, if I'm being honest, the fall too. In addition to the places to see and the fun to be had, I also have a great group of people I come to share my time with, my Cali family.  They are, without a doubt, the reason I'm able to spend so much time here.  They make me feel at home and since I've outgrown the title of guest, I do laundry, cook, clean and give occasional rides to work.  Like my cousin says, "That's in exchange for the suite you stay in upstairs." (His room is no where near a suite but I'm not complaining.  Love you Cuzn!)  And although I do all the things I would be doing at home, the love and support I receive from this crazy Cali family is what makes my stay so enjoyable...they spoil me ...
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