The One That Got Away...

The one that got away or in my case the ones that got away vs. the one that won't go away...

I wish someone had warned, told, hinted that something unexplainable was going to happen when I turned 40.   Maybe I would have prepared or been better prepared to handle the extreme angst I feel.  Inside of my mind or perhaps my soul, a storm is brewing.  I have never been so determined to accomplish my goals and to live my life for exactly what it is...MY life.  As I sit in my kitchen this morning, in my own place, drinking my own coffee, the words of my mother keep churning in my head.  "mejor sola que mal acompañada"

I will protect the innocent and not mention names since most of the ones that got away managed to find someone willing to see them for what they truly were, keepers.  Sadly, I was a catch and release kinda girl, with my eye on the big prize, looking for the trophy, the catch worth mounting...no pun intended.

The ones that got away...
  • were unbelievable sweet
  • had great smiles 
  • gave warm affectionate hugs
  • wiped my tears
  • believed I would do all the things I said I would do
  • encouraged me
  • stopped on the side of the road to admire a dark sky full of stars
  • kept me safe
  • stood up for me even though I could handle my own
  • danced with me like no one was watching
  • sang to me over the phone
  • made mixed tapes (yes tapes, not cds)
  • loved to hear my voice
  • could read me like a book
  • sent flowers for no reason or handpicked a few just because
  • had very sexy lips!
  • watched as I did my steering wheel dance
  • listened to my music ("still think of you when I hear...")
  • met me at little holes in the wall
  • didn't mind my love of all things John Deere
  • called my best friend to see how I was really doing
  • secure with me hanging out with the guys
  • knew my worth
  • always knew what to say or when to say nothing at all
  • had parents who absolutely loved me (now if that wasn't a damn sign!)
  • admired my quirkiness
  • tolerated my nonsense
  • made me laugh 
  • stayed my friend 
  • drove me home
  • checked up on me 
  • let me talk and not offer advice because sometimes that's all I needed
  • looked at me like I was the only one in the room
  • appreciated...little ol' me
  • let me show love in the weird ways I do
  • gave me a tour of the Honeycomb Hideout
  • respected my innocence
  • took me to church 
  • prayed for me
  • slept in the same bed without making a move
  • asked me to leave the one that won't go away
I've since discovered that the common denominator was me.  They were not the ones that got away.  I was the one that pushed them away.  My need to fix things, to accomplish, succeed, to win is what kept me from seeing these individuals for who they were.  They didn't need me to save them and that's what I was looking.  Makes me think of lyrics from a song I heard recently..."funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving..."


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