Happy Birthday Doof...
So thirty years ago, today, you pushed your giant-hematoma head into this world via your mom's tiny body. I couldn't wait to see you. The picture that comes to mind from that time is you dressed up like a little Santa Claus. I was so in love with you. Funny, I felt the exact same surge of emotion and euphoria when your little cousin made his way into the world with his monster-sized noggin via my not-so tiny body.
You brought us so much joy, the first boy in our immediate family. Dad's eyes filled with pride with his first grandson. I must admit I was a bit jealous, after all, I had been his baby for ten years. The intense feelings of love only grew as I watched you grow. Although I was an auntie, our closeness in age made us more like brother and sister. I can't remember a time when you were not around.
Later, when I became a teenager and moved away for high school, we didn't see each other as often but the bond remained.
I will never forget the first time you were mistaken as my son. We were at the perfect age for someone to think that. I was in college and you were still in elementary. I was shocked and a bit put out and you thought it was so funny! I can still hear you laughing...
Not too far down the road, you went through a growth spurt and the table was turned when someone mistakenly asked if you were my boyfriend. It was your turn to be shocked and I was the one laughing.
Laughter was one of our many common denominators. We always laughed, whether over the phone, online, text or in person. Sometimes loud, crazy laughter, other times, soft chuckles to keep us out of trouble. But the best kind of laughter was the kind we shared in our eyes when we knew exactly what the other was thinking with only a simple look. My favorite though was the shaking of the head plus grin that would come when you knew I was up to no good. It was usually followed by the infamous line..."Ay Aunt Cindy!" because you knew no one could act "a fool" more than your auntie. Spending time with you was always one of my favorite things to do.
You will never know how much I miss those times, how much I miss you. At times I think the pain will crush me. It's like an anvil has been placed on my chest and I can't breathe, there isn't enough air in my lungs to continue living and I just want you to come back. I want to trade some one's life for yours. I have someone in mind, you know. Why couldn't his time be up? Why does he get to enjoy a life and see his children grow up but you don't? I want to scream, "It's not fair!
I found the perfect place to let out my sadness. It's the shower. Funny, I've always been fond of a nice, hot shower. I've been known to take up to four in one day during the peak of a south Texas summer. Now it can serve an entirely different purpose. You see, the shower drowns out the sobs when I don't want anyone to know how sad I am that you're gone. I don't feel the tears burning down my cheeks if I place my face under the running water. I can stay in there as long as I want and put the blame on shaving my legs or other grooming needs (this just made me laugh out loud because I can totally hear you saying, "uhhh, TMI Auntie!" and of course, I would totally follow it up with, "I still got it going on, man!" and then we would both laugh hysterically).
I'm sad Doof! I'm really, really sad. My heart is so broken. It feels like it will never mend. Even though I have so much to be grateful for, especially your two little cousins. They miss you too by the way.
Your mom and I presented the gifts to the priest today at the memorial mass Aunt Janie and Uncle Richard petitioned for you. No, the church did not collapse, lightning did not strike us down and the holy water did not sizzle but a very nice woman prayed over your mom and I before we reached the altar. It was a wonderful, healing prayer that although did not stop the tears from flowing, it did bring an amazing calm over me.
I know that God has you in His loving embrace. He will keep your light burning eternally. I see that light in the wonderful children you helped create. They are both unbelievably beautiful. I thank God for them every day. It warms my heart to hear, "I love you Aunt Cindy!"
So happy 30th birthday Jonathan Henry Trevino! I love you...
You brought us so much joy, the first boy in our immediate family. Dad's eyes filled with pride with his first grandson. I must admit I was a bit jealous, after all, I had been his baby for ten years. The intense feelings of love only grew as I watched you grow. Although I was an auntie, our closeness in age made us more like brother and sister. I can't remember a time when you were not around.
Later, when I became a teenager and moved away for high school, we didn't see each other as often but the bond remained.
I will never forget the first time you were mistaken as my son. We were at the perfect age for someone to think that. I was in college and you were still in elementary. I was shocked and a bit put out and you thought it was so funny! I can still hear you laughing...
Not too far down the road, you went through a growth spurt and the table was turned when someone mistakenly asked if you were my boyfriend. It was your turn to be shocked and I was the one laughing.
Laughter was one of our many common denominators. We always laughed, whether over the phone, online, text or in person. Sometimes loud, crazy laughter, other times, soft chuckles to keep us out of trouble. But the best kind of laughter was the kind we shared in our eyes when we knew exactly what the other was thinking with only a simple look. My favorite though was the shaking of the head plus grin that would come when you knew I was up to no good. It was usually followed by the infamous line..."Ay Aunt Cindy!" because you knew no one could act "a fool" more than your auntie. Spending time with you was always one of my favorite things to do.
You will never know how much I miss those times, how much I miss you. At times I think the pain will crush me. It's like an anvil has been placed on my chest and I can't breathe, there isn't enough air in my lungs to continue living and I just want you to come back. I want to trade some one's life for yours. I have someone in mind, you know. Why couldn't his time be up? Why does he get to enjoy a life and see his children grow up but you don't? I want to scream, "It's not fair!
I found the perfect place to let out my sadness. It's the shower. Funny, I've always been fond of a nice, hot shower. I've been known to take up to four in one day during the peak of a south Texas summer. Now it can serve an entirely different purpose. You see, the shower drowns out the sobs when I don't want anyone to know how sad I am that you're gone. I don't feel the tears burning down my cheeks if I place my face under the running water. I can stay in there as long as I want and put the blame on shaving my legs or other grooming needs (this just made me laugh out loud because I can totally hear you saying, "uhhh, TMI Auntie!" and of course, I would totally follow it up with, "I still got it going on, man!" and then we would both laugh hysterically).
I'm sad Doof! I'm really, really sad. My heart is so broken. It feels like it will never mend. Even though I have so much to be grateful for, especially your two little cousins. They miss you too by the way.
Your mom and I presented the gifts to the priest today at the memorial mass Aunt Janie and Uncle Richard petitioned for you. No, the church did not collapse, lightning did not strike us down and the holy water did not sizzle but a very nice woman prayed over your mom and I before we reached the altar. It was a wonderful, healing prayer that although did not stop the tears from flowing, it did bring an amazing calm over me.
I know that God has you in His loving embrace. He will keep your light burning eternally. I see that light in the wonderful children you helped create. They are both unbelievably beautiful. I thank God for them every day. It warms my heart to hear, "I love you Aunt Cindy!"
So happy 30th birthday Jonathan Henry Trevino! I love you...
Sister, Call me asap at work 784-1603
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