The Couch Chronicles...Continued

As I get ready to settle in for the night with my blankie, Marcus Aurelius and a chick flick that will probably make me feel sorry for myself and wonder why crap like that doesn't happen in real life, I thought, "Why not blog about the blessings that have been bestowed upon me?" So should I number them?  No, that would make me have to come up with a number like all the days that led to Thanksgiving or one for every year of my life and damn that's 40!   Maybe the ounces of wine I consumed today or the nickels I won playing a game I had never played before...which by the way I cashed in on...must have been beginners luck or maybe my luck is changing...OK so back to what I'm thankful for...someone recently pointed out that I jump from one thought to another.  It's been pointed out to me before and my response has always been, "It's just that you can't keep up."  I didn't say that this time.  It really took me by surprise.  I have to admit,

As I reflect to the beginning of 2013 I'm reminded of my 40th birthday celebration.  That was a memorable night.  I was surrounded by a group of friends and family so special to me that I could have stayed in that moment forever.  Turning 40 set something in motion...til this day I'm not sure how to explain it.  It feels like a mission, a quest of some sort.  I'm in search of something or better yet, someone.   You see, there was a girl I once knew.  She was daring, a fighter, someone who welcomed a challenge and didn't let anyone get in the way of her dreams.  She was one of the guys, everyone's girl (not to be confused with the girl that was with everyone).  No, this girl didn't need to belong to anyone.  She was comfortable in her own skin.  She wanted more out of life than a husband, children and house with a white picket fence.  The world is what she wanted. Then she met a boy.  Her dreams changed a little but still she knew what she wanted and was dete

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything. A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved. Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter. Love is so short, forgetting is so long. A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.  A book without words is like love without a kiss; it's empty. If you like her, if she makes you happy, and if you feel like yo

So I was once asked why I expected a different outcome if I continued to do what I had always done.  Wow, that was an eye opener.  Why did I do that?  I decided I would make an effort to do things differently but what would happen if the outcome wasn't what I wanted or liked.  Was I willing to live with doubt and regret? Step 3- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. Sounds a little familiar doesn't it?  Well step 3 is the last of the steps that prepare one to work the other 9 steps, basically a foundation, a solid point on which the hard work that follows will begin to take shape.  In a nutshell, Steps 1-3 are as simple as, "I can't.  He can.  I'll let Him." In my readings someone shared how the first three steps of recovery gave her honesty, hope and faith.  In step one we must honestly admit that our lives are pretty jacked-up, in step two we hope that life will get better and in step three we rel

Having been born and raised in a Roman Catholic family, the fact that God existed was never something I questioned.  I believed in the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, the Virgin Mary, Jesus and all the angels and saints... Over the years many situations have caused me to question why "God does this" or why "God allows that" and yet I know beyond a doubt that something greater than me has had a hand in my blessed life. Step two- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. This step has come fairly easy to me.  I have always believed in a Higher Power.  Now at times that Higher Power has been God or Jesus, male or female, all knowing, an aura, light, unstoppable force. On my road to recovery I've discovered that my Higher Power is so much more and without it, peace and tranquility will not exist in my life.  In every Al-Anon meeting I've attended, the group recites the Serenity Prayer.  God grand me the Serenity to a

Well it's finally here...the time has come to Let Go and Let God.  For those of you who know me, letting go has not always been what comes naturally.  It requires loosening the reins on my life and for decades that has been an impossible task.  It means giving up control and damn if I don't like to be in control.  Control has meant having the upper hand, being in charge, winning the game, making all the moves but ultimately it has kept people out, pushed people away and in my own delusional thoughts, kept me from getting hurt.  Yet time and time again I have felt the pang of disappointment, hurt and of love lost.   I have decided to work the 12 Steps of Al-Anon publicly in order to hold myself accountable.  You see my life has been significantly affected by alcohol.  No, I'm not an alcoholic. (No, really, I'm not.) Al-Anon is for anyone whose life has been affected by an alcoholic.  I am by no means being hypocritical.  I, like Toby Keith sings, "Still throw a fe