A Letter to My Mom
Mama, I started this letter in January 2021, when it started to sink in that this battle was bigger than all of us. I remained hopeful but there was a deep sense of dread in my soul. I needed to prepare myself for life without you. In early October 2020, you shared news with me that I processed immediately as bad news. I stayed calm and asked what you would like me to do next. You said, "wait until I get the biopsy." We ended the call. I fell apart. I guess I knew then, or at least my mind did what it always does, prepare for the worst. It's not good that my brain is conditioned to do that but I would rather be prepared than blindsided. In late November, the kids and I went for a visit. We cleaned, we laughed, we rushed around frantically at your requests and we carried on with business as usual. You were still you; funny, witty, fiery, but you tired easily. You weren't running circles around me, and again, I knew something wasn't quite right. I focus