The Couch Chronicles...Continued

We met in 1997.  I was fresh out of college, a brand new teacher.  We bonded one evening in her classroom when we found out we had more in common than we knew.  We were both the youngest, had two sisters, short dads who worked their butts off to provide for their families and so many more things, too many to list.   She has been by my side through thick and thin, happy and sad, joy and tragedy.  She has seen me laugh hysterically and she is one, of the very few, that has seen me break down and cry the ugly cry.  I love her more than I can describe.  For lack of better words, she is my other half, my missing piece and even though our lives have kept us busy and we don't get to spend as much time with each other, sometimes just hearing her voice, her "I know sweetie, I know" is all I need.   We've had the pleasure of working at two different schools together, on the same team and dangerously, in the same hall.  She has rushed into my classroom to find out who sent

Well, it almost happened.  I almost let the devil himself get the best of me today!  It took one little thing, one tiny insignificant thing to trigger that primal urge to defend my truth.  I was about to take to my laptop and let it rip!  Put people on blast.  Shed light on all the " liars and  the dirty dirty cheats of the world."  I had to remind myself that love wins.   Yes, love does win, especially when that love is self love.  It hasn't been easy to come by.  I am definitely my harshest critic.  Self loathing comes easily, especially when society's "norms" can make you question what you know to be your truth.  There are so many double standards. I know a Tell All post would be very exciting and if I were a big time blogger with a huge following with plenty of ads and sponsors, I might go that route and bring in the big bucks.  But since I'm a baby blogger with a few dedicated followers and a few creepy stalkers that like to read my posts for

"Just move!!" he said.  This came, of course, after a plethora of San Diego, California references via text and all social media.  If I didn't know better, I would have taken offense but we are evenly yoked and I bombard him with nonsense, so I took it with a grain of salt and turned it into material for my blog.   If it was possible, I'd already be there, in San Diego.  Enjoying the cool mornings.  Motivated to get out and get going.  Chilling on the back porch in the chilly evening air.  Soaking in all the things that make it my happy place. But I'm still here!  I'm in a pause, one that I am not going to question.  There is something keeping me here or maybe it's someone.  I'm not sure yet.  I'll know when God wants me to know.  For now, I'll use that sarcastic, stop talking about San Diego comment for the way it relates to my life, at present moment. Just move...when you don't want to get up and exercise but you are trying to get C

There is absolutely no reason why that phrase should make me laugh so much, but it does...In the right context and in certain situations, it just makes so much more sense then the over used quote, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."   It's no secret, life has been a little rough for me and the biologicals.  We've been through some ups and downs and in-betweens.  We have known sadness, sorrow and tragedy.   The boy and I just had a long talk about this the other day and as we reflected on the last three years, his conclusion was so profound, it was a such a mature thought.  He said, "I would not be the person I am today if we had not gone through such a difficult time."  Wow, who is this kid?  How did he become such a bad-ass?  Even the little one, my girl on fire, the feisty Mini-me, has grown into a decision maker, the ruler of her own space and completely capable of holding her own. (God bless the poor soul who falls in love with her.  He g

So this all started with my kids and their love of social media...the memes that read When You, When You're or When You Don't. They have even created their own. They also verbally caption every day events like When yo mama cooks bad, When yo mama yells at you, When yo mama doesn't buy milk, When you look like a drug dealer, When you're divorced, When you tired of yo kids... Well, not to be out done by the biologicals, I have been working on my own list of When you..and in order for this to work without repeatedly typing When you...promise that you will say When you, before each statement.  That will make things less painful for all parties involved.   When you... -get hit on by your ex-husband's friends and they are married (don't worry ladies, that's not my thing) -have your arm, hand, ankle and earrings licked by a student all in the same week and once while you were being observed -want to tell your co-worker to stop talking but e

Someone once said, "Oh, you're THAT mom..."  I claimed it.  "Yes, I'm that mom."  And although I don't feel the need to explain my parenting style to anyone, the comment did make me do some self reflecting (which is a helpful life tool, some people really need to learn to do this).   So to the person who made that comment, thank you, and in case you're curious about what makes me ThAt mom, here goes:   I am the mom that didn't want children because I was so career driven and wanted to be debt-free, buy a house and travel. The same mom that once I found out I was pregnant with #1, went into overdrive to learn all things mom related. The mom that knew #1 really needed #2 since I would be taking a break from my career to be a stay at home mom, after someone I love and admire said, "Why do people have kids, if they aren't going to be the ones raising them."  Having them both at home for those few short years are some of my favori

Yeah I'm glad you have your life "together" and you're doing "better" and are making some "changes" that you wish I could see.  I'm happy for you... There are "some habits" I need to be broken of...hmmm?  Yeah, that's my cue to say, "See ya." And you can "take care" of me and my biologicals and treat me like I'm supposed to be treated...I'll pass.  Thanks.  I can take care of myself and my biologicals.     You're "gonna miss" me while you're taking care of your family obligations...Ok. No need to hang out in the bathroom to continue our private conversation...I was fine not having a conversation to begin with... You want to "meet for drinks" sometime...will your wife be joining us too? So nah dude, I'm good with where I'm at.  I don't need to be rescued.  I got this.  I don't want to hook up or hang out.   I'm F-I-N-E, fine.  for all the pa

I have often dreamed of having a job that allowed me to travel but I was lead down a different path. My career has been both fulfilling and rewarding but my longing to travel has never gone away.  So I made a promise to myself to get out and see the sights.  Over the years I've been here and there and in between and I've learned a few things.  So here are some travel tips that may or may not serve you any purpose.   when on a long road trip, wear comfy clothes and don't forget your music because you'll be forced to listen to old country music that you might know the words to and you may want to sing along and your kids may not like it make sure to pack a change of clothes in your carry on because your luggage may stay in Phoenix where you have a four hour layover and although you might enjoy a good Italian meal near the university, it will suck not to have all your clothes in Alaska if traveling to Mexico don't give all your change to the little old man playing

So I got the "Guys are asking for you again" text from my sis.  And by "guys" she means the ridiculously funny, completely random group of friends she hangs out with at a place that will remain anonymous.  I've shown up there twice in the last year.  It's a hole in the wall on the wrong side of town but I am guaranteed a fun time.  If I lived a little closer I might be a regular.  I like to joke that I'm slummin' in but in reality the clientele are hard working,, fun loving people that I am honored to know and privileged to hang out with; the kind of people that will give you the shirt off their back, their last dollar or the food on their plate...hell they even make sure your beer never runs out and you get to hear your favorite tunes.   At my last visit, I had the pleasure of meeting a regular we will call Sheila.  Sheila, by all definitions, is a tranny.  She was singing her lungs out when I arrived and we made eye contact (note to self:  stop m

There is only one voice that comes to mind when I think of this phrase and that is the voice of my work son, my big Mijo, my partner in crime, the person who encourages (sometimes) my shenanigans, the faithful friend who listens to ALL of my nonsense, even the girly stuff.  It's like he knows exactly when to say it, in a high-pitched voice, "I don't need you..." and it's usually when I'm on a verbal tirade about my independence and abnormal alpha-male tendencies and how I've managed to juggle it all on my own and blah, blah, blah...that he hasn't covered my mouth with a wide piece of duct tape is pretty close to miraculous...poor Mijo, always there to entertain my foolishness and down right tomfoolery.   We joke about that line all the time and I guess it has become somewhat of a personal anthem.  Initially it was my way of claiming my new found freedom, my divorced girl battle cry.  And anytime I was made to feel like a damsel in distress, Mijo wou

It's probably safe to say that we've all had that moment, an old song playing on the radio, a whiff of a fragrance, a brief run-in with someone you haven't seen in years...that moment that will send you to another time and place.  I find that at my age, I'm having more and more of those moments.   Recently, I had a conversation with someone from my past and I mean waaaay back to my really green, square, naive, super innocent teen days.  (I was not always the coldhearted, tell-it-like-it-is, beer drinking, foul mouth, chew 'em up and spit 'em out, devil woman that I am today.)  There was a time when I really was quite unaware of the potential I possessed.   And though I'd like to keep that discussion private, something keeps wanting to make it's way out and that is the gratitude I feel for having made this connection.  This blast from my past brought back so many fond memories.  Our chat caused me to think about how far I've come and how far I sti

So it's no surprise to anyone who knows me that I love, love, love California.  The weather, the beaches, the mountains, the sailors, oops I mean the sunsets, are just a few of the attractions that bring me back every summer and sometimes spring, and well, if I'm being honest, the fall too. In addition to the places to see and the fun to be had, I also have a great group of people I come to share my time with, my Cali family.  They are, without a doubt, the reason I'm able to spend so much time here.  They make me feel at home and since I've outgrown the title of guest, I do laundry, cook, clean and give occasional rides to work.  Like my cousin says, "That's in exchange for the suite you stay in upstairs." (His room is no where near a suite but I'm not complaining.  Love you Cuzn!)  And although I do all the things I would be doing at home, the love and support I receive from this crazy Cali family is what makes my stay so enjoyable...they spoil me

There is no denying that the last few years have been rocky, rough and at times, sucked hairy, saggy balls.   Throughout this time, I've known that there is a light at the end of the tunnel although I didn't always see it, I hoped and prayed I would.  Sometimes I would get a glimmer of it and other times it was pitch black...I was in a very dark, toxic place.  I almost let it consume me and poison my spirit.   But each day I would wake up and fight the urge to throw in the towel, to say, "fuck it" or even to take a giant step back and revert to the familiar because the unknown is scary af (like my kids say). This dreary, wet Seattle-like winter didn't help...I need sunny days like a Tweaker needs a fix.   Recently, I spotted a faint glow.  That light I have been in search of is in my sight.  It's not fading in and out like before, it's illuminating my path.  It has helped me to see things I couldn't see before and to discover a part of my world I never