The Couch Chronicles...Continued

Let's be honest, if you're my friend, how lucky are you?  Maybe winning the lottery lucky or not stepping in dog shit lucky.  I'll let you ponder that one.   But if you're my friend, chances are, I have called you in the middle of the night and said, "If anyone asks, I was with you."  If you have ever heard the following: Girrrrrl, we need to talk. You're not gonna believe this shit . I can't make this shit up. This pansy ass mother fu*ker. What the fu*k was I thinking? Yup, you're my friend.   If you know that I like to call my dad Henry and that I love to have Saturday chisme sessions with him, you are definitely my friend.  You are a super friend if you've heard me tell one of his stories or if I have shared a famous one-liner of his.  You are a super elite friend, if he's offered you an "ice cold beer."  If you needed help moving or you randomly asked if someone wanted to come help you paint and I volunteered, you are indeed m

Today is the Little One's prom.  Not sure how we got here so fast, but here we are.  Why didn't anyone warn me about Pre Prom meltdowns?  They are a real thing.  Well, maybe I heard rumors about nail fiascos and hair disasters but those things only happened to other people.  Like exaggerators and cry babies.   Nope, they happen to real people, people like me that claim to have their shit together and people like my kid who is one of the strongest, most dynamic forces I know.   And let me tell you, they are not pretty.  And they come on fast and out of freakin nowhere.  I'm pretty sure I had a mini one in the car as I was running Pre Prom errands and listening to Bizarre Love Triangle on repeat.   I was looking for last minute things and I wanted to call my mom and talk shit with her.  And then I remembered she was gone.  I couldn't call her.  But I remembered aunt Mary said I could talk to my mom whenever I wanted and she would hear me.  So I started to tell her that Ca